


The Secret of Hufflepuff's Cup

by teaberryblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:23:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Founders. Parody of "The Magic Grinder" folktale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret of Hufflepuff's Cup

Long ago, when Hogwarts was still young, Salazar Slytherin had a problem.

"Professor," one of his beloved Slytherins asked him one day. "Why don't we get cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes?" asked Salazar.

"Cupcakes," said another. "The Hufflepuffs get cupcakes every day. Why, when they're all Mudbloods and leftovers? We're the best house. Where are our cupcakes?"

Salazar didn't know anything about baking, since that was best left to House Elves. When was Helga baking these cupcakes? He wondered, stroking his goatee.

So, late one night, Salazar snuck into to the kitchens. But the ovens were off. There were no messy bowls of batter, no pans to scour clean. Helga sat at a table, with her precious cup, the one that sat in a place of honor in her office.

Helga spoke. Salazar started, thinking she had caught him. But then he realized she was speaking to the cup.

"Magic Goblet, help me please, you will know just what I need." As she finished speaking, a cupcake hopped from the cup, covered with fluffy, buttery-looking frosting. And then came another, and another!

"Aha," thought Salazar. "That's where she gets her delicious cupcakes. She's been hoarding them all to herself. I knew that 'fair and kind' act was too good to be true!"

The next day, while Helga was teaching Charms, Salazar crept into her office and took the cup.

He set the cup on a table in the Slytherin Common Room, rubbing his hands in anticipation before he repeated the words he'd heard the night before.

"Magic Goblet, help me please, you will know just what I need," said Salazar.

Just as before, a delicious-looking cupcake popped from the cup. Then came another, and then another. Gleefully, he arranged the cupcakes on the table in wait for his students'return.

Finally, there were enough cupcakes that they covered the table.

"That's plenty!" said Salazar.

But the cupcakes kept coming.

"Stop!" Salazar shouted, as they began toppling onto the floor.

By the time the students returned from class, the common room was full to bursting with sugary goodness.

"What is this?" the students asked.

As cupcakes began spilling into the hall, a muffled cry came from within.

"What?" asked a Prefect.

"MMFFfftt MGGGLA," Salazar gasped, his mouth stuffed with cake.

The children tugged him free, but now the hall was beginning to fill.

"Get Helga," said Salazar, panting.

When Helga arrived on the scene, she shook her head in disappointment. "You stole my cup," she said sadly.

"I don't understand!" Salazar lamented. "I said the same thing you did."

"Ah," said Helga, tsking. "You said the words to start it, but not to istop it/i."

"Say them!" he pleaded.

Helga's eyes twinkled. "What will you do in exchange?" she asked.

"Anything!" Salazar insisted.

Helga smiled. "Magic Goblet, that's enough. Thank you for the sugary stuff!"

And suddenly, the cupcakes stopped. She turned to Salazar, and waggled her fingers at the mountain of cake. "Now," she said. "Eat. Every. Last. Bit."


End file.
